Giving 100/100 versus 50/50 in Your Marriage
50/50 has always been the norm and some might even strive to keep it at a sixty-forty. You fall in love first, put up with your spouse anomalies, work hard to keep things running smoothly, and you grudgingly pay half the bills…and the list is endless. The world's "50/50 Plan" for marriage is destined for failure. The biggest weakness of the 50/50 Plan: It is impossible to determine if your spouse has met you halfway. Because neither of you can agree on where halfway is, each is left to scrutinize the other's performance from a jaded, often selfish perspective.
Have you thought that your own marriage relationship can stand an be above average and stand out above the norm that people see in marriages? Get out of the realm of the norm and give your spouse your totality. Whether we are oblivious to this fact or not, the truth is most of our relationships operate according to the plan ‘you do your part, I’ll do mine.’ If one person seems to be giving more than the other, sooner than later, the friendship crashes and goes down the drain. This is the mistake most folks carry into marriage instead of giving their all. What many have failed to understand is the fact that marriage is far deeper than friendship, there is the part of commitment. According to the words of Wayne Mark “Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death.” Spending 100 percent of your time, loving and serving your spouse, will keep your marriage happy and healthy. Just like a brand new machine that gives its 100% efficiency, strive towards that as a couple. Imagine the two of you putting in your best efforts. This will double your effectiveness and power to weather through every stormy wind that threatens to destroy the marriage. It is not about individual power, or a struggle for each person to express his or her individuality through marriage. The union is about becoming one.
Marriage works when you adopt a “100/100” philosophy, where each of you—as a practical demonstration of your love—is willing to serve the other. Before you call it quits with your spouse, think about giving your all, even if you don’t seem to be getting much in return. Those little things you hold on to and call secrets, why not take the risk and make yourself vulnerable, rather than allow it to eat into your relationship like a cankerworm. Have you ever thought of how keeping scores of wrong-doings, affect the self-esteem and self-worth of your spouse? Let it go and understand the fact that nobody is infallible.
Competition could arise as a result of not giving your marriage all it takes. You will always want to outrun each other, togetherness in the process is lost, respect and submission gone into thin air. It could get to the point of depriving each other of sex which could obviously result in discontent in the marriage. All of these imbalances will create a strain in the relationship and finally collapse when one person cannot hold up any longer.
Make the marriage your top priority. People sometimes like to evaluate their relationships with a bookkeeping or justice model. Their mentality is I will only do something for my partner if my partner is doing stuff for me. Don’t be a scorekeeper, tallying up points whenever your spouse does something you do not like.. It’s hurtful. Most of all, you have to be tolerant and accepting. To accept people for who they are is to love them for who they are.
Zig Ziglar said ‘Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.’
My book, ‘Don’t Get Married If….’, is a great resource to open up discussions that you may need to have to take your marriage to a higher level.
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